IIC Coaching Blog

Relationship Coaching - Part 3 of 7 - Chemistry

Relationship Coaching Blog Series:
The 7 "Cs" of Developing and Maintaining Healthy Relationships
Part 3 of 7 - Chemistry (Interpersonal Attraction)
Many thanks to Carol McGowan of askacoach.com for providing the original content for this series.

This is the third installment of a seven part series on developing and maintaining healthy relationships. There are seven factors we'll explore in this series: Closeness, Connectedness, Chemistry, Cooperation, Communication, Compatibility and Caring.

Today's factor: Chemistry (Interpersonal Attraction)

This is the interpersonal attraction that exists between two people that can lead to friendships and in some cases romantic relationships. This is often the factor that comes into play and determines how much you might like, love or hate someone. This is based on very personal considerations and indications. It has been described like an invisible force that can exist between two people which works on drawing them together.

The chemistry is when one persons' qualities appeal to the desires of the other person, and remembering that in some cases they can be romantic but that is not always the case.

Coaching Exercises

1. What does "chemistry" mean to you?

2. You have a number of different types of relationships, some of which have a stronger chemical attraction (chemistry) than others, or just very different from one relationship to the next. Which of your relationships would you say have "chemistry" and how would you describe it for each?

3. Are there relationships where the chemistry was strong at the beginning, but maybe isn't as strong now? Could be that it's just different, but not necessarily weaker? What's the real change that has occured? Is it physical, mental, emotional, environmental, social, and/or somethign else?

4. Chemists know not to mix certain chemicals together or else there'll be a dangerous reaction. Are you clear about what qualities are just not a good match for you even if you somehow feel attracted to them anyway? Do you know how to keep yourself safe from these? What needs to change here for you?

As always, if you need any further personal support in response to any of these coaching exercies, please consider using the askacoach.com service.

All the best,
Noel

Noel Posus - Master Coach
www.askacoach.com

Relationship Coaching - Part 2 of 7 - Connectedness

Relationship Coaching Blog Series:
The 7 "Cs" of Developing and Maintaining Healthy Relationships
Part 2 of 7 - Connectedness
Many thanks to Carol McGowan of askacoach.com for providing the original content for this series.

This is the second installment of a seven part series on developing and maintaining healthy relationships. There are seven factors we'll explore in this series: Closeness, Connectedness, Chemistry, Cooperation, Communication, Compatibility and Caring.

Today's factor: Connectedness

First, let's remember that we're talking about all kinds of significant relationships, and not just "partner" relationships.

This is about the relationship that exists between two or more people and asks the question, "What is it that draws you together?" This can come about for a number of reasons; it could be simply that you are part of the same family, community, neighbourhood or group. Alternatively it could be because you share a common interest such as gardening, bushwalking, quilting, sporting activities, faith or any number of other options.

This itself will not necessarily sustain the relationship but will certainly help to initiate it and get it off the ground.

Coaching Exercises

1. What does "connectedness" mean to you?

2. You have a number of different types of relationships. There may be a significant other or partner relationship; as well as best friends, acquaintances, colleagues, etc. How would you define the initial connection for each of these relationships? What is the connection now? What do you expect the connection will be in the future?

3. There may be times where we feel the "connection" has been "lost." How have you responded to these moments in the past? If you feel you're facing a similar situation now, how do you want to approach it?

4. Is there anything you could be doing for any/all of your relationships that might support a growth of connection? What are those options? Which could you implement now? Which require something else to happen first? What influence do you have over that? What are you willing to commit to now?

As always, if you need any further personal support in response to any of these coaching exercies, please consider using the askacoach.com service.

All the best,
Noel

Noel Posus - Master Coach
www.askacoach.com

Relationship Coaching - Part 1 of 7 - Caring

Relationship Coaching Blog Series:
The 7 "Cs" of Developing and Maintaining Healthy Relationships
Part 1 of 7 - Closeness
Many thanks to Carol McGowan of askacoach.com for providing the original content for this series.

This is the first installment of a seven part series on developing and maintaining healthy relationships. There are seven factors we'll explore in this series: Closeness, Connectedness, Chemistry, Cooperation, Communication, Compatibility and Caring.

Today's factor: Closeness

This does not just mean physically or geographically. This means that there is something in your relationship that enables you to be close. This is usually evident because you feel free and safe to talk about anything and everything that may be of concern to you.

This relates to the levels of intimacy allowed in the relationship. If it is your life partner of course it will involve sexual intimacy at some level and/or manner, however for other relationships the other forms of intimacy are also important. For example, emotional, intellectual and spiritual.

The level of closeness achieved will be determined by the nature, need and importance of the particular relationship you're involved in. They can also be influenced by your age, circumstances and experiences. The mix in each relationship you establish will be different and each one is likely to fulfill a different need that you may have in your life.

Coaching Exercises

1. What does "closeness" mean to you?

2. For your various relationships, how do you define the intimate nature of it? Every relationship is different and every relationship has the potential for a unique type of intimacy, so please consider this carefully.

3. If you feel there isn't the closeness and/or intimacy factor happening in any particular relationship, have you discussed this with the other person? Will you discuss it? What do you need to do to prepare yourself for that conversation? Are you willing to be open to hearing what the other person has to say?

4. You may already have some awareness about an action to take to bring about a positive change in the relationship regarding closeness. If so, what is that and what specifically are you committing to? What is the other person committing to? If you don't already know, you might discover this after a conversation with the other person. Do you already have an idea of what sort of change might be necessary? How comfortable are you with the idea that you might need to commit to a change; a new behaviour or an action?

As always, if you need any further personal support in response to any of these coaching exercies, please consider using the askacoach.com service.

All the best,
Noel

Noel Posus - Master Coach
www.askacoach.com

Mondays - Choose Your Attitude

It's Monday.

More than that, it's the Monday after a long public holiday weekend. (Well, here in Australia anyway)

For some people reading this, those two lines just made their shoulders slump, their face drop and the mood decline.

Why?

Because for many, there's an attitude habit that Mondays are a dreary beginning to the work week; that Mondays are tiring; that Mondays are depressing.

If you have this habit of attitude, is it serving you well in a healthy way, or is it just giving you common ground to commiserate with others?

Interested in breaking some old habits today?

Coaching Exercises

1. What do you think of first about "Mondays" or whatever day may be the start of your work week? Would you classify it as a positive or a negative thought or emotion?

2. You have the opportunity to choose your attitude in every moment, including how you feel about Mondays. What's the best attitude you can choose to have on this day? What do you suspect that healthy and positive attitude will bring to you and others? (Cause and Effect)

3. There may be things that happen today that challenge your attitude. In fact, some may even try to convince you to go back to your old negative attitude habits. How will you keep yourself on a positive attitude track today?

4. How can/will you inspire others to rethink their attitude choices today? (Please remember to seek permission before "coaching" anyone, if that is one of the options you believe you have available to you.)

As always, if you need any further personal support in response to any of these coaching exercies, please consider using the askacoach.com service.

All the best,
Noel

Noel Posus - Master Coach
www.askacoach.com

Forgiveness

Forgiveness is another one of my favourite coaching topics.

It's interesting to consider that in some cases, forgiveness wouldn't be necessary at all if blame didn't exist first.

I share that up front because I personally find it a very important part of the forgiveness process to identify if I'm blaming something on someone else and what effect that is having. I need to understand that first before I determine if forgiveness is the right next step, or if it's something in a different direction (such as self awareness / being honest with myself).

One of my favourite "coaching frameworks" is this: "Life happens, and it's not personal."

What this means is that stuff happens all the time, and some of it can be pretty uncomfortable or even horrible. However, "life" didn't suddenly become a bully and make us victims. Life isn't doing this "TO" us. it's just happening. If we make it personal, we are choosing to be victims and here is where blame enters the scene.

Of course, there are also the times when someone's specific behaviour has resulted in a situation where we are in some way, hurt. This could be actual hurt or emotional pain.

Still, in these situations I look at their behaviour as a separate thing to the person, and a separate thing to how I feel. Someone doing that behaviour isn't necessarily doing it specifically to hurt me. They are far more likely not aware that the behaviour is hurtful. Therefore, I don't have to take it personally unless I choose to.

This choice tends to make a lot of difference to how easy forgiveness can be in many situations. If I've chosen to take it personally, it can be more difficult (but not impossible) to forgive. if I choose to not take it personally, I'm also far less likely to feel like a victim and blame someone else, and therefore forgiveness either becomes unneccessary or very easy to do.

OK, there's a lot of thought provoking stuff there I think. How do you feel about this?

Coaching Exercises

1. What does the term "forgiveness" mean to you?

2. Consider a time when you've been forgiven for something you've done. How important was it to you to be forgiven? How important do you think it was to the other person? What did you learn from the experience?

3. Is there anyone you are currently blaming for something in your life? Is the blame fair and appropriately directed? Can you separate out the person from the choice they made? What difference would it make to you if you did?

4. Who do you feel you need to be forgiving, whether you're ready to do so now or not? What will it take for you to be ready to forgive? How will you communicate this to the other person? How do you think you'll feel afterward?

As always, if you need any further personal support in response to any of these coaching exercies, please consider using the askacoach.com service.

All the best,
Noel

Noel Posus - Master Coach
www.askacoach.com

Legacy

Legacy is one of my favourite coaching topics.

Technically, it refers to what we leave behind, or bequeath to others after our death. But of course, it's much more than that.

Take the example demonstrated by Al Gore, where he continues to work on his legacy in every moment. He is continually evolving a structure of awareness about a cause he's passionate about. Therefore, his legacy is a living thing, and not just an amount of money, or something that will carry his name when he's gone. He may have added to his reputation, but his legacy his bigger than that, and not necessarily "attached" to him, but a legacy for all humanity.

There are lots of other examples of politicians (mostly after leaving office), entertainers, sports personalities, scientists and philosophical/religious figures demonstrating a living legacy. And for many, the work they started carries on after their death, such as in the case of Princess Diana and the work being performed around the world to get rid of millions of land mines left over and still buried from old wars.

Coaching Exercises

1. What does the term "legacy" mean to you?

2. Do you feel you already have a living legacy which you are actively engaged with and evolving? If so, how do you describe that legacy to others?

3. If you don't currently have a personal sense of legacy in action, what would you like your legacy to be? You might want to consider starting with reputation; what reputation do you want to have earned for yourself? Or you could look at need; who has a need you're able to assist with? Or possibly consider supporting someone else's legacy; What established causes are you passionate about (or at least interested in)?

4. How can you inspire legacy building in others? (Yes, this is a very open question on purpose. Please, just see where it takes you.)

As always, if you need any further personal support in response to any of these coaching exercies, please consider using the askacoach.com service.

All the best,
Noel

Noel Posus - Master Coach
www.askacoach.com

Rememberance

Today is ANZAC Day, where we commemorate the soldiers of the Australian New Zealand Army Corps' first major military action during the first world war. The soldiers in those forces quickly became known as ANZACs, and the pride they soon took in that name endures to this day.

Here's information for you on the ANZAC Day tradition .

We also say the following as part of our rememberance traditions:

They shall grow not old as we that are left grow old
Age shall not weary them, nor the years condem
At the going down of the sun and in the morning
We will remember them

Lest we forget


Today's coaching is blog is about rememberance.

Coaching Exercises

1. What traditions, if any, do you have for remembering key moments of your history, either cultural, religious or philosophical? How do you personally feel about these traditions, or what personal meaning do they have for you?

2. If you have no such traditions now, would you like to develop one, and if so, what specifically do you want to honour with it?

3. Sometimes we may not fully appreciate the history of the people just a few generations before us. If you have access to your granparents, or the elderly in general, do you ask them to share their history with you? Have you considered recording their history so that it is not fogotten? Even if you may not be interested in their history, might someone else?

4. Rememberance events around the world are most often held in honour of the fallen of wartime. For some, this in itself can be a controversial or conflicting topic because of sentiments regarding war itself. While for others, it is about remembering the cost of such behaviour or simply about respect. What are your thoughts specifically on such rememberance events?

As always, if you need any further personal support in response to any of these coaching exercies, please consider using the askacoach.com service.

All the best,
Noel

Noel Posus - Master Coach
www.askacoach.com

Symbolism - What Does It Mean To You?

Today is the day that the Olympic Torch experiences its Australian leg of the global journey. There has certainly been a lot of activity related to the relay of the torch around the world and debate about both the event itself and the protests and activities surrounding it.

A lot of this conversation comes down to the notion of symbolism.

Symbolism has always been a significant part of the human experience, from early cave drawing images of the human hand print through to religious symbolism, and in this case sybolism regarding a range of meaning including peace through sport, highlighting the human condition and political sentiments.

I'm not going to comment about any of these messages themselves, but am celebrating the ability to use symbolism to convey messages.

Symbolism is something we often use in coaching, where we able to identify an image which communicates vision, strength, resourcefullness, power, inspiration and/or focus.

Here are some coaching exercises to explore symbolism in your own life and how you might be able to tap into symbols in order to support you and your goals more fully.

Coaching Exercises

1. What symbols are you aware of in your life now? These could be well-known symbols such as religious imagery, cultural symbols such as celtic designs, or possibly even in our high-tech world, an icon you use to symbolise you on a social networking site. What do these symbols mean to you personally?

2. If you could pick a symbol to represent you, what would it be? For example, the well-known yellow smiley face, or maybe the sign for infinity. Is there a well-known figure you connect with strongly, or could you create a symbol for yourself?

3. Sometimes we use symbols as "anchors." For example, someone who wants to instantly connect with a memory of a past moment of personal strength in their life, may choose a symbol to represent that moment. That symbol might be a colour or a word or a picture. Think about your strongest personal moment, and see if there is an image that you can connect with that memory. Also, think about how you want to feel when you see that image, whether you purposefully call it back into your conscious mind or if you come across the image by chance in your daily life. You can then use this image any time you want to feel that way again. For example, I use the colour red to make me feel wise, talented and on top of my game. Every time I see red, I feel this way. When I feel I need to have that extra support, I'll choose to wear red or a piece of jewellrey with red as a feature colour. What is your anchor, how will you feel and how will you use it?

4. Finally, consider how you might tell someone else what your symbol is, what it means to you and how you use it. This can be a very important part of the process to ensure your personal symbolism is strong, because you're able to articulate its power for you to others.

As always, if you need any further personal support in response to any of these coaching exercies, please consider using the askacoach.com service.

All the best,
Noel

Noel Posus - Master Coach
www.askacoach.com

Asking for Help

Asking others for help seems to be a very difficult and challenging concept for many people. It might bring up feelings of inadequacy or there could be a fear that other people will think we're "needy." When we're not asking for help, there's typically some form of fear behind it. And if you're thinking that some people don't ask for help because they're arrogant and don't think they need help, I might suggest they have some fear as well (just possibly better hidden, or maybe actually, more obvious).

So, today's coaching exercises are about asking for help.

Coaching Exercises

1. On a scale of one to ten, with ten being the most comfortable, how comfortable are you generally about asking for help when you need it?

2. What situations do you wish you could ask for help at some level, but you typically don't? What is it about these situations that makes you feel you can't or "shouldn't" ask for help? Are these reasons based on facts or feelings?

3. Sometimes the people who care for us really would love to help if only we gave them the opportunity and permission to. How open are you to letting family, friends and colleagues offer and follow through to help you?

4. If you knew of someone who you thought could use some help but hasn't asked for it, what would you do? Do you feel comfortable asking permission to help?

As always, if you need any further personal support in response to any of these coaching exercies, please consider using the askacoach.com service.

All the best,
Noel

Noel Posus - Master Coach
www.askacoach.com

Allan Parker on Balancing Content, Process and Relationship in Negotiations

Allan Parker is one of the greatest coaches, mentors, leaders and inspiring people of all time. OK, I'm biased. He's both my friend and my coach. And there are many round the world who agree with me.

Here's a short video showing Allan in action disussing the balance of content, process and relationship required in any negotiation. I'm presenting this to you today as an important skill for all of us to learn, as every day involves negotiating agreement of one sort or another.

Here's the video: Allan Paker on Balancing Content, Process and Relationship in Negotiations

Coaching Exercises

1. Consider a recent negotiation and as you review how you approached the conversation and the outcome, can you spot the "content", "process" and "relationship" components? Which were more present than others, or were they equal?

2. How could focusing on the impotance of the relationship support you in your communications generally?

3. What are some specific attitudes, beliefs and/or actions you're willing to commit to which would bring content, process and relationship more into balance within your own communication style? how will you do this and beginning when?

4. What reputation do you wish to have in terms of the type/quality of communicator you are? What do you feel you need to do less of or more of do achieve that reputation?

As always, if you need any further personal support in response to any of these coaching exercies, please consider using the askacoach.com service.

All the best,
Noel

Noel Posus - Master Coach
www.askacoach.com

An insight in the Slovenian coaching industry

The main reason that I (Barbara Cukjati) enrolled in ECI is to be constantly in touch with the industry and developments in other countries. I take that connection as enabler to a state of mindfulness (being alert and implementing insights into change of my behavior) and as a part of my general knowledge of the industry. In my role as a country head, I decided to share with you an insight in the Slovenian coaching industry. Last year I have conducted an e-survey in cooperation with a Manager magazine in Slovenia.

The aim of the survey was to gather the data on the understanding and usage of coaching in the corporate world and test understanding and need for life-coaching part on decision makers in companies in Slovenia. 74 respondents agreed to participate in e-survey. 83,8% of which fall in the category of decision makers (CEO, HR managers, marketing managers).

In the preparation of the survey I compared the factors affecting UK coaching market (based on CIPD Guide on Buying coaching services, ICF Global coaching study 2007, ECI benefits of coaching in business White paper) with factors affecting Slovene coaching market (see figure 1 and 2). Regardless of the country, the commonly identified key drivers are rapid changes in business, implementation of new more effective staff development programs, change of values towards more balanced life style. In communication style in coaching, however, there is an important factor of cultural skepticism and rationalism present in Slovene environment, which dictates a slight adaptation of coaching models of English origin.

 

Figure 1: STEP analysis for coaching industry in US and UK

 

Figure 2

The nature of managing in companies is changing to inclusion of more soft HR approaches, values are more and more important; employees are seeking for a higher purpose. In rapid changing business environment there is a need for workforce that will be highly efficient in producing ideas for continuous improvements. As a result companies invest more and more in the personal development of the staff. After exploiting other options of staff development, coaching is becoming more and more interesting for companies and individuals.

The results of e-survey show that there is still much needed to be done to build a common understanding of coaching, the importance of appropriate training and benefits of using an external coach with respect to business environment.

In majority respondents replied that they would expect from a coach the ability and knowledge how to encourage people, exploiting challenges, the ability of clear communication, creating an atmosphere of trust and respect. Only 8.1% respondents would expect a formal qualification of a coach (see figure 3).

 
Figure 3: Expectations of the coach

54% of respondents reply that coaching is being used in the company. The majority is provided internally, 25,7% by a line manager, 9,5% by a company specialized in coaching, 6,8% by a company specialized in HR consulting and 5,4% by qualified external coach.

Coaching as the investment would fall under development program for staff. 63,5% of respondents answered that they invest bellow 1000 eur in the employee per year.

 
Figure 4: Investment per year/employee

E-survey also checked how much whether these potential target group would have an interest to purchase a life coaching service and if yes, in which situations and how much would they be willing to pay. Figure 5 and 6 show the results.

 
Figure 5: Situations that would lead a client to decide for life coaching


Figure 6: Willingness to invest in life coaching.


Figure 7: Factors influencing the choice of a life coach

In the choice of a lifecoach, only 1,4% of respondents would seek formal qualification. Personal style and reference from a friend would be the most influential in deciding for a coach. This answer indicates that still a lot has to be done on building awareness that formal qualification is an important part of the coach - not because of a piece of paper - but to learn the skills and standards.

In this blog I have included part of the results from the survey. Those that I believe are interesting to have for a comparison to other coaching markets. I was rather formal this month, because I think this aspect is also important. For the next month I will probably write something on the 5 languages of love and why simple recipes often fail in real life or the importance of storytelling. I will decide until the third week in May. Untill then practice mindfulness.

Posted on behalf of Barbara Cukjati

Gratitude - Part One of Many

Gratitude is the topic that throughout my coaching career I have written the most frequently about, therefore I've titled this blog entry as Gratitude - Part One of Many as I will certainly be writing again and again and again about this.

Of all the great paradigm shift we can make, I don't believe anything is more powerful than moving from just about any negative emotion and attitude to one of gratitude.

For example, if you're feeling as if you are not smart enough to do something, then consider what how smart you actually are in any number of other categories, situations and topics and be grateful for that first. The difference is that once you start acknowleding and and grateful for what you have, you start seeing new opportunities to use what you have. Things you didn't know how to do before, you now suddenly find ways of learning how to do it.

There are many applications to this principle and I'm sure that over time, we're going to discover quite a few of them together.

Coaching Exercises

1. Here's a very simple exercise one of my colleagues asked me to publish in this blog for him, and I'm grateful to be able to do so: "Would you like ti know a really simple way of making your life really great each day? Yes? Just simply write down 5 things each day that you are grateful for. Start your list now, and each day just add to it. It is OK if things appear more than once on your list. When things appear several times, then you being to understand what thingsw in life you are really grateful for." It's a great little exercise my colleagues suggests, and you may find it helpful to keep a Gratitude Journal on hand to write down these inspirations.

2. A step further on the above exercise is to keep the Gratitude Journal near the front door of your home, visible, open and with a pen always there. You can invite visitors to your home to jot down notes of what they're grateful for in life in general. This way, you're encouraging others to celebrate their abundance.

3. Come up with a gratitude-focused exercise of your own. Keep it for yourself or share it with others. (They may be quite grateful to you for sharing it with them.)

All the best,
Noel

Noel Posus - Master Coach
www.askacoach.com

What a brilliant idea!

Today is the opening of something very unique in Australia. It's the Australia 2020 Summit - Setting our nation's sights for the future.

This is a unique event hosted by our new Prime Minister, Kevin Rudd, and it's quite a remarkable concept. Essentially, he has invited 1000 people to come together and come up with ideas about how our country needs to be governed moving forward. These ideas are to support our core values of security, liberty, opportunity, creativity, equity, family, community, solidarity, sustainability and irreducible human dignity.

I won't go into great detail here about the summit, but I would like to highlight that each of the numerous sub-groups at the conference need to come up with three extraordinary ideas, one of which must cost nothing to implement. What a remarkable structure!

Now, we won't know how well this submit has achieved its objectives for a bit of time to come. Nevertheless, I'm using today's blog to celebrate the uniqueness of this idea for modern humanitarianism and government.

Coaching Exercises

1. What ideas do you have which could be implemented to create a better world?

2. What ideas do you have which cost nothing to implement, and how would you implement them?

3. Who could you be communicating your ideas to?

4. Who could you be inspiring to do the same?

All the best,
Noel

Noel Posus - Master Coach
www.askacoach.com

One of the best articles I've found on life coaching...

A friend sent me a link to an article by Steve Pavlina on Life Coaching , which I think is just brilliant and I wanted to be sure to share it with you. (Just click on "Life Coaching" in the previous sentence.)

You'll see from the article that Steve is being very honest about his own experiences working with a coach and identifies some things that worked and some things that didn't. He also acknowledges that some of those things that didn't work aren't really found in the modern coaching industry.

He gives some great tips on helping to identify when working with a coach may be helpful, how to find one, and some other ideas. In addition to the links he's provided, if you're looking for a coach, of course we're hoping you'll check out askacoach.com or you may want to check out Incredible Awareness .

Coaching Exercises

1. After reading Steve's article, consider jotting down three things you would like to achieve that you think a coach of one sort or another may be helpful to you.

2. Consider what type of coach is most likely going to help you achieve what you want. That could be a coach who specialises in life, business, creativity, parenting, relationships, and so on. There are lots of different types of coaches out there.

3. Make a commitment to yourself to ask around for recommendations for life coaches and see if you can get a list of three options to explore, and then make plans to interview those coaches.

4. If you are finding it difficult to locate a coach for you, consider writing to me personally through the feedback page at askacoach.com and I will see if I can make any introductions for you and/or point you toward various coach directory services.

All the best,
Noel

Noel Posus - Master Coach
www.askacoach.com

Making Things Happen Just By Thinking About Them?

I am a big believer that if you can think positively and be willing to imagine something as possible, then it is possible. I understand things like the "Law of Attraction" and "manifesting" like you've seen in the film The Secret (Extended Edition) (The book is good read as well.)

But, don't get me wrong, I don't simply believe that just because I think about something, it'll happen. But close.

I'll give you an example which I think illustrates the point quite well.

When I first worked with my very own life coach, he had me write lists daily of things I wanted for my life, and I had to write these dreams, wants, needs and goals, just in point form, under a number of different categories such as health, friends, career, places to go, things to learn, etc. Essentially, every week I was just brainstorming about 50+ items that I would like in my life.

I was asked to only create lists. I was not given any other instructions.
Meanwhile, my coach and I continued to work on the three topics I came to him to help me with.

At the end of 12 weeks working together, my coach asked me to get out the notebook with my dreams lists, and he had me put a tick mark next to each item that I had achieved or gained in part or altogether. As I went through the pages, I realised I was putting in a lot of tick marks. At the end of the exercise I counted them up.

I had achieved 103 things completely or partially!

I hadn't created any plans to create these. They just happened. Or did they?

Realistically, what happened here was that I acknowledged what I wanted, and in doing so, I became more open to pursuing it.

I did take action. I did see new opportunities and seize them. I did get curious about things I hadn't spent time on before. I did start to make things happen.

What I didn't do, was sit on my backside and wait for the things to happen to me simply because I "manifested" them. That's not how it works. I manifested the environment for great things to occur, by developing a great attitude, and being open to possibilities, and being willing to act. To me, that was the greatest secret I could ever have learned; my own potential to follow my dreams.

Coaching Exercises

1. Consider starting a "Dreams/Wants Journal" and every day or week, write down one or two items you want in each of the following categories:

- Health
- Knowledge
- Social
- Financial
- Family
- Personal Development
- Relationships
- Spirituality
- Career or Business
- Giving to Others, Humanity, Animals, Nature, the World
- Places to Go
- People to Meet

2. Every now and then go back and check what you've written and put tick marks next to those you've achieved or partly achieved, and consider what has changed for you that suddenly these things have occurred without neceesarily a documented plan in place.

As always, if you need any support with, or as a result of this exercise please consider www.askacoach.com for email and/or phone coaching.

All the best,
Noel

Noel Posus - Master Coach
www.askacoach.com

The 28 Principles of Attraction

Early on in my coaching career I had the great fortune of meeting Thomas J Leonard, who is widely considered to be the "Father of Life Coaching." Thomas wrote The Portable Coach: 28 Sure Fire Strategies For Business And Personal Success

Unfortunately, Thomas isn't with us any more but his incredible vision lives on. Here are the 28 Principles of Attraction from his book for your personal exploration. There are some coaches exercises at the end of htis page.

1. BECOME INCREDIBLY SELFISH.
WITHOUT YOU, THERE IS NOTHING, AND ATTRACTION ISN'T POSSIBLE.

2. UNHOOK YOURSELF FROM THE FUTURE.
ATTRACTION WORKS IN THE PRESENT, NOT IN THE FUTURE.

3. OVER RESPOND TO EVERY EVENT.
BY OVER-RESPONDING INSTEAD OF OVERREACTING, YOU EVOLVE, WHICH IS VERY ATTRACTIVE.

4. BUILD A SUPER RESERVE IN EVERY AREA.
HAVING ENOUGH IS NOT NEARLY ENOUGH FOR YOU TO BE IRRESISTIBLY ATTRACTIVE.

5. ADD VALUE JUST FOR THE JOY OF IT.
WHEN YOU ADD VALUE BECAUSE YOU ENJOY IT, PEOPLE ARE NATURALLY ATTRACTED TO YOU.

6. AFFECT OTHERS PROFOUNDLY.
THE MORE YOU TOUCH OTHERS, THE MORE ATTRACTIVE YOU'LL BECOME.

7. MARKET YOUR TALENTS SHAMELESSLY.
IF YOU'RE EMBARRASSED ABOUT WHAT YOU DO WELL, YOU WON'T BE VERY ATTRACTIVE.

8. BECOME IRRESISTIBLY ATTRACTIVE TO YOURSELF.
HOW CAN YOU ATTRACT OTHERS IF YOU DON'T FEEL IRRESISTIBLY ATTRACTIVE TO YOURSELF?

9. GET A FULFILLING LIFE, NOT JUST AN IMPRESSIVE LIFESTYLE.
A GREAT LIFE IS ATTRACTIVE; A LIFESTYLE IS USUALLY SEDUCTIVE.

10. DELIVER TWICE WHAT YOU PROMISE.
WHEN YOU CONSISTENTLY DELIVER MORE THAN WAS EXPECTED, NEW CUSTOMERS ARE DRAWN TO YOU.

11. CREATE A VACUUM WHICH PULLS YOU FORWARD.
BEING PULLED FORWARD IS ATTRACTIVE; PUSHING FORWARD IS NOT.

12. ELIMINATE DELAY.
TIME IS EXPENSIVE AND THUS IS VERY UNATTRACTIVE.

13. GET YOUR PERSONAL NEEDS MET, ONCE AND FOR ALL.
IF YOU HAVE UNMET NEEDS, YOU'LL ATTRACT OTHERS IN THE SAME POSITION.

14. THRIVE ON THE DETAILS.
SUBTLETIES, DETAILS AND NUANCES ARE MORE ATTRACTIVE THAN THE OBVIOUS.

15. TOLERATE NOTHING.
WHEN YOU PUT UP WITH SOMETHING, IT COSTS YOU. COSTS ARE EXPENSIVE AND THUS UNATTRACTIVE.

16. SHOW OTHERS HOW TO PLEASE YOU.
DON'T MAKE THEM GUESS.

17. ENDORSE YOUR WORST WEAKNESSES.
WHEN YOU CAN ACCEPT AND HONOR THE WORST PART OF YOURSELF, YOU ARE MORE ACCEPTING OF OTHERS.

18. SENSITIZE YOURSELF.
THE MORE YOU FEEL, THE MORE YOU'LL NOTICE AND RESPOND TO THE MANY OPPORTUNITIES IN THE PRESENT.

19. PERFECT YOUR ENVIRONMENT.
THE ATTRACTION OS IS A SOPHISTICATED SYSTEM WHICH REQUIRES A FIRST-CLASS ENVIRONMENT.

20. DEVELOP MORE CHARACTER THAN YOU NEED.
INTEGRITY IS NOT ENOUGH TO BECOME IRRESISTIBLY ATTRACTIVE.

21. SEE HOW PERFECT THE PRESENT REALLY IS.
ESPECIALLY WHEN IT IS CLEARLY NOT.

22. BECOME UNCONDITIONALLY CONSTRUCTIVE.
HIGH LEVELS OF RESPECT ARE VERY ATTRACTIVE.

23. ORIENT EXCLUSIVELY AROUND YOUR VALUES.
WHEN YOU SPEND YOUR DAYS DOING WHAT FULFILLS YOU, YOU ARE ATTRACTIVE.

24. SIMPLIFY EVERYTHING.
ABANDONING THE NON-ESSENTIALS LEAVES MORE ROOM FOR YOU TO ATTRACT.

25. MASTER YOUR CRAFT.
BEING THE BEST AT WHAT YOU DO IS THE EASIEST WAY TO BECOME SUCCESSFUL.

26. RECOGNIZE AND TELL THE TRUTH.
THE TRUTH IS THE MOST ATTRACTIVE THING OF ALL, BUT IT REQUIRES SKILLS AND AWARENESS.

27. HAVE A VISION.
WHEN YOU CAN SEE WHAT'S COMING, YOU DON'T NEED TO CREATE A FUTURE.

28. BE MORE HUMAN.
WHEN YOU ARE GENUINE, YOU ARE ATTRACTIVE.

Coaching Exercises

1. Each of these principles have the potential to be "really obvious" to some and "really confusing" to others. You may find it useful to do some journal writing about each of these principle and what YOU think they mean. Along the way, you might also decide to evaluate how well you are performing at each principle. If there is room for improvement, what are you willing to commit to?

2. You Might like to give yourself a 30 Day Challenge using these principles. On day 1, you read and review them all (today). On day 2, you pick the firt principle and keep that as your focus for the entire day, doing whatever you feel is appropriate to do with that focus, and take note of how things may change for you. At the end of each day, write a few notes in your journal about your experience. On day 3, take the next principle, and so on until you get throuh all 28. On day 30, review the entire list again, your notes, and identify the big picture of how things have changed for you. Celebrate it all, as the entire experience was a learning one.

3. If you would like more support or information about these principles you may also want to consider purchasing Thomas' book.

As always, if you need any support with, or as a result of this exercise please consider www.askacoach.com for email and/or phone coaching.

All the best,
Noel

Noel Posus - Master Coach
www.askacoach.com

Learned Optimism

I love the book, Learned Optimism: How to Change Your Mind and Your Life by Dr. Martin Seligman who is one of the leaders in the positive psychology field, and someone whose work I turn to often when working with my coaching clients.

The book starts with a very simple message - There are two ways of looking at life. We either imagine the worst or we can visualise a great outcome. We're faced with this choice of perspective mutliple times throughout the day, starting from the moment we wake up. Will today be a good day or a bad one?

I'm a confirmed optimist. I can always see the positive opportunities in any situation. And yes, sometimes that can be annoying to my family and friends, but I'm OK with that too.

Now, this doesn't mean that I'm just light, fluffy and being blind to the realities of life. No, not at all, because I'm also a realist. It just so happens that I believe that an optismistic present and future is a realistic outcome to expect if I am willing to put in the necessary effort to achieve it.

It starts with attitude and is folllowed up by action - both of which need to be positive. I believe I've learned how to do this throughout my life and I continue to get even better at it, with even better results. For me, I've learned optimism. Can you?

Coaching Exercises

1. In your own words, define what optimism means to you.

2. What is the purpose of optimism? Are there any drawbacks?

3. When you are around someone who is optimistic and positive, what imact does that have on you?

4. When you are optimistic and positive, do you notice an impact on those around you?

5. If you would describe yourself as more pessimistic than optimistic, what has been behind that general choice of perspective for you?

6. What do you think might be diferent for you if you learned to be more optimistic?

As always, if you need any support with, or as a result of this exercise please consider www.askacoach.com for email and/or phone coaching.

All the best,
Noel

Noel Posus - Master Coach
www.askacoach.com

Common Sense is Not So Common

I was teaching a class a few days ago and in the course of the conversation with the participants I used the phrase, "Common sense isn't that common."

I knew I wasn't the first person to say it, and I was pretty sure I couldn't just give my parents credit for this one either (although it is something I heard them say often). A quick internet search has found the source, Voltaire, who specifically said, "Common sense is not so common."

Coaching Exercises

1. What does the term common sense mean to you? If you want, schedule a few minutes to explore this on the Internet and check for some other people's definitions as well. You may not find a "common" agreement, however.

2. Do you identify yourself has someone who has a fair amount of common sense? What benefits does this bring you?

3. If you do not identify yourself as having a lot of common sense, what are some strategies you could put in place to improve that situation? Do you need to explore things with a bit more care? Or maybe it's asking more questions? Or maybe taking more time before making decisions?

4. Do you know anyone who you feel not only has common sense but uses it well? Where did that person get it from? What specifically are they doing with it? What can you learn from them?

As always, if you need any support with, or as a result of this exercise please consider www.askacoach.com for email and/or phone coaching.

All the best,
Noel

Noel Posus - Master Coach
www.askacoach.com

Empathy in Action

One of my favourite websites is TED which has videos of the world's most amazing and entertaining speakers.

The video I've selected for today is Daniel Goleman: Why Aren't We All Good Samaritans? .

Daniel Goleman is famous for writing the books, Emotional Intelligence, Working With Emotional Intelligence, and more recently Social Intelligence - all of which are standard coaching texts.

I tend to find videos that will promote conversation. This video is only 13 minutes long and I believe you'll find to be very interesting.

Coaching Exercises

1. Daniel mentions that we're all born with empathy, however we choose to turn it off for any number of reasons. What does empathy mean to you? Do you have any conditions around when you are empathetic and when you are not?

2. Daniel also shares with us examples of commercial empathy, where the choice of a product's development takes into consideration an empathetic view of the people and things the production of that product will impact. Do you ever consider the impact on others when you purchase a product or service?

3. Finally, Daniel shared a story at the end of the video about "not noticing" others. How do you typically respond in similar situations?

As always, if you need any support with, or as a result of this exercise please consider www.askacoach.com for email and/or phone coaching.

All the best,
Noel

Noel Posus - Master Coach
www.askacoach.com

The Seven Caring Habits vs The Seven Deadly Habits

Today's we're looking at the Seven Caring Habits and the Seven Deadly Habits as written about in, Choice Theory: A New Psychology of Personal Freedomby the William Glasser Institute.

Choice Theory states that:

- all we do is behave
- that almost all behaviour is chosen
- that we are driven by our genes to satisfy five basic needs: survival, love/belonging, power, freedom and fun

And it highlights the Seven Caring Habits and the Seven Deadly Habits of our behaviour choices. Here they are for you to compare:

Seven Caring Habits

1. Supporting
2. Encouraging
3. Listening
4. Accepting
5. Trusting
6. Respecting
7. Negotiating Differences

Seven Deadly Habits

1. Criticizing
2. Blaming
3. Complaining
4. Nagging
5. Threatening
6. Punishing
7. Bribing, rewarding to control

Coaching Exercises

1. Each of the seven caring habits are on one end of a spectrum, and the deadly habits the other, or in other words opposing behaviour. However, much of the time, we can slide back and forth along that spectrum depending on the situation. Generally speaking, how well do you think you behave?

2. If you do want to measure this with a bit more detail, then rate yourself against all 14 habits on a scale of 1 to 10, where 1 is "I nearly never behave this way" and 10 is "I nearly always behave this way." Use the same measurements system whether it's a caring or deadly habit. Once you're done, how do you feel about your answers?

3. Are there any behavioural traits you are willing to commit to changing? In what circumstances? Do you have a plan to accomplish this? do you need help?

4. The only person whose behaviour you can control is your own. That said, if you were to consistently demonstrate the Seven Caring Habits, what impact might that have on others around you?

All the best,
Noel

Noel Posus - Master Coach
www.askacoach.com

The Four Agreements - Agreement Four - Always Do Your Best

Lesson 4 from The Four Agreements by don Miguel Ruiz

Here's the fourth and final agreement from one of my favourite personal development books, The Four Agreements by don Miguel Ruiz.

Agreement Four - Always Do Your Best

From the book: "Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgement, self-abuse and regret."

Coaching Challenges:

1. What is the best you can do today? Don't think about what was the best you did yesterday, or that you could do tomorrow. Just focus on the best you are able to do in this moment.

2. You will be doing your best no matter what. Even if you have self-limiting beliefs at the moment, you will still end up doing your best. Consider what this statement means to you.

3. Others around you are also doing there best in this moment. Do you agree with this statement or disagree. Consider the reasons behind your answer and if there is any room for a new perspective.

4. If you can do more than you typically do, or think you are capable of at the moment, you are redefining in real-time, what your best is. Is there a new benchmark of doing your best you want to achieve today? If so, what and how are you going to achieve it?

All the best,
Noel

Noel Posus - Master Coach
www.askacoach.com

The Four Agreements - Agreement Three - Don't Make Assumptions

Lesson 3 from The Four Agreements by don Miguel Ruiz

Here's the third agreement from one of my favourite personal development books, The Four Agreements by don Miguel Ruiz.

Agreement Three- Don't Make Assumptions

From the book: "Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life."

Coaching Challenges:

1. How well do you feel you currently express what you want?

2. What do you want that you haven't yet communicated?

3. Who do you need to communicate that to, and how will you do it?

4. And when will you do it? If you need to take time to thoroughly plan, do it. Ensure however that you have a target date for communicating what's important to you.

All the best,
Noel

Noel Posus - Master Coach
www.askacoach.com

The Four Agreements - Agreement Two - Don't Take Anything Personally

Lesson 2 from The Four Agreements by don Miguel Ruiz

Here's the second agreement from one of my favourite personal development books, The Four Agreements by don Miguel Ruiz.

Agreement Two- Don't Take Anything Personally

From the book: "Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won't be the victim of needless suffering."

Coaching Challenges:

1. How much/often do you take things personally, and how does that gerenally make you feel?

2. When you take each of those situations where your trend is to take it personally, and you apply this agreement, what changes occur for you?

3. Can you think of a time when you typically would have taken something personally, but didn't? What happened in that situation?

4. Can you take the strategy you used in the situation in question three in the future? How will you use it and possibly more importantly, how will you remember to use it?

All the best,
Noel

Noel Posus - Master Coach
www.askacoach.com

The Four Agreements - Agreement One - Be Impeccable With Your Word

Lesson 1 from The Four Agreements by don Miguel Ruiz

One of my favourite personal development books is The Four Agreements by don Miguel Ruiz.

Ruiz states, "Everything we do is based on agreements we have made - agreements with ourselves, with other people, with God, with life. But the most important agreements are the ones we make with ourselves. In these agreements we tell ourselves who we are, how to behave, what is possible, what is impossible. One single agreement is not such a problem, but we have many agreements that come from fear, deplete our energy and diminish our self-worth."

So, this and the next three blog entries will go through each of the four agreements very briefly and provide some on-the-spot coaching challenges.

Agreement One - Be Impeccable With Your Word

From the book: "Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love."

Coaching Challenges:

1. What does "speak with integrity" mean to you?

2. Are you aware of any language patterns you have where you are not exactly saying what you mean, but it's close enough that you expect people to just "get it"? If so, do you think this is good enough? Could you be more accurate with your language, and if so, how?

3. Are you choosing to use your abilities in communication (spoken, written or otherwise) to speak well or ill of yourself and/or others? Are there any circumstances or situations where you are not happy with that choice?

4. Are you making any commitments to yourself or others as a result of this coaching challenge?

All the best,
Noel

Noel Posus - Master Coach
www.askacoach.com