IIC Coaching Blog

Leave Them Alone!

Today, I read an amazing story at the ABC News Online website about a tribe of people found in the Amazon who are in danger of being encroached on by "civilisation".

Read the story here . (I'm not sure how long this story link will be active. If you're reading this blog much later than the posting date, you can still find out more from the site in the next paragraph.)

There is also a wonderful website called Survival International dedicated to helping tribal people defend their lives, protect their lands and determine their own future.

These people's land which sits on the border between Peru and Brazil, and their way of life, is being threatened by a project aiming to log the area of forest they live in.

To think that there are still groups of people who have not been contacted by people outside their own small pockets of the world just astounds me, and I'm also personally grateful that these pockets exist. It's not often in this blog that I will so blatently put my opinion forth, but this particular topic does carry some strong emotions for me. I believe it would be an incredibly sad outcome if logging, instead of humanity, wins this battle.

Have a read and develop your own opinion. Be aware of what's happening in the world.

Coaching Exercises

1. What are your thoughts and feelings about this story?

2. Does this story inspire you to do anything? If so, what are you committing to?

As always, if you need any further personal support in response to any of these coaching exercies, please consider using the askacoach.com service.

All the best,
Noel

Noel Posus - Master Coach
www.askacoach.com

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What size is your footprint?

We are becoming acutely more more aware, every day, of the human impact on our planet. We are responsible for what happens to our environment. There's no escaping it.

I learned about a fantastic website today which I want to share with you. The Footprint Calculator is quite well designed, fun, informative and very honest with the message it delivers.

For example, I calculated my own footprint, and if everyone on the planet lived my lifestyle (and I think I'm very green, don't own a car, recycle all the time, conserve energy, buy smart and ecologically, etc) we would need two planet Earths to support everyone's needs.

It takes 3.6 global hectares of land to support my lifestyle and that equates to 6.1 tonnes of carbon per year.

My actual shoe size is US size 6, and yes I have tiny feet. But my carbon footprint is HUGE! And I have many things I can do about that according to the website.

Check it out for yourself!

Coaching Exercises

1. What is your carbon footprint? Take the quiz through the above link. (The link I've shared is for Australia but you can get the exact link for your country by going to the international World Wildlife Fund website.)

2. How do you intellectually feel about your impact on the environment?

3. How do you emotionally feel about your impact on the environment?

4. How do you politically feel about the impact we all have on the environment?

5. How do you commercially feel about the impact you and others have on the environment?

6. Now that you've thought about this from a few different perspectives, what are you willing to change and/or do? Yes, I am assuming that everyone who reads these questions will want to change or do something different. We all have a responsibility to do something, and I encourage you to consider even the smallest positive steps you can take as steps in the right direction that collectively make a big difference. What are you committing to?

As always, if you need any further personal support in response to any of these coaching exercies, please consider using the askacoach.com service.

All the best,
Noel

Noel Posus - Master Coach
www.askacoach.com

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Ethical decision making - submitted by Barbara Cukjati

An important part of manager's role is the decision making part. With respect to this a manager acts as resource allocator, negotiator, disturbance handler and entrepreneur (based on Mintzberg 10 roles of a manager).

Sure, every manager has its own style. Some more autocratic, some more coaching like. Once in a while, however,  each manager comes to a point, where the decision that he/she has to make represents an ethical dilemma.

In the process of making a decision and finding the right way out of the dilemma, these coaching questions can be of some help:

How would you define a dilemma?

How did the situation occur?

What is the decision you have to make?

What is important to you in this dilemma?

Which of your values are linked in the dilemma?

Who else is included in the issue?

How would you define the issue,  if you would be one of the others?

To whom or what are you loyal?

What is your goal in this issue?

Which resources you have at disposal to act towards implementation?

How realistic is this goal with respect to the available resources?

Who will be affected by your decision?

How can you include them in the debate of the issue?

To what extend you have the power to make that decision?

What would be the best way to communicate your decision?

Under what conditions you would step out from  your decision?

Is it fair?

What would be fair to me if this decision would be made by someone else?

Imagine that your mother and your family would read about your situation and decision in tomorrow's newspaper. What is your initial response to that?

Badaracco (1995) describes the following strategies that successful leaders use in time of facing an ethical dilemma: they master the art of buying additional time and not letting emotions rule over the situation; they choose their own battles – not every single thing – even though it tangles with your understanding of fairness is worth fighting for, know how to bend the rules, don't break them, network and communicate strategically so that they find a compromise.

My Video Vision Statement 2008 - Half way there?

Each year I create a new Video Vision Statement to keep me inspired throughout the twelve months (and beyond as I will keep revisiting previous years' statements as well).

Here's the Video Vision Statement for 2008, and thank you in advance for being open to me sharing something so personal.

I'm thrilled to say that so much from that vision statement is on track. There are a lot of things in motion, and some big achievements yet to get to - and I will. This video inspires me and I make sure I watch it nearly every day to keep the inspiration momentum happening.

So today's blog is all about vision and keeping track of your progress toward it.

Coaching Exercises

1. What is your vision for the rest of this year? For the next twelve months? For the next five years?

2. How do you capture that vision in your dreams and document it someplace else? For example, is it written down? Is it then displayed someplace like on the door or the fridge or your bathroom mirror? Have you ever made a collage or a video vision statement?

3. If you recognise that you have not documented your vision, first I'd like you to create a list of the benefits to you if you did. What would you gain? Would you be more inspired, and how? Would it remind you of what's important to you? Would it help you make decisions? What else? You may also want to ask youself what you're putting to risk if you DON'T document your vision.

4. Now that you're more clear about your vision and the benefits of creating a vision statment (and the risks if you don't), what are you now going to do about it? What are you committing to?

As always, if you need any further personal support in response to any of these coaching exercies, please consider using the askacoach.com service.

All the best,
Noel

Noel Posus - Master Coach
www.askacoach.com

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Why we know less than ever about the world

As you know, one of my favourite websites is TED which is a site dedicated to showing free videos of the world's most amazing speakers and the amazing topics they share with us.

This morning I watched a brilliant short piece (less than five minutes) from Alisa Miller. Click the link below to watch it for yourself.

Why we know less than ever about the world

Alisa demonstrates how the world is represented to Americans when they turn to the news. It shows that only 12% of what Americans get on their local news coverage is international news content. She also goes on to show how providing coverage of Brittany Spear's life and drama is cheaper than covering stories about our planet and/or from any corner of our world that is not America.

I'm not bashing America by making today's blog about this video. Instead, I'm highlighting that all of us, everywhere in the world, can choose to know more, learn more and ask for more information. In this age of advanced technology, we have options. What are we choosing?

Coaching Exercises

Today's coaching questions are potentially a bit more socially-minded, and as such may also be a bit more challenging.

1. When you consider how you access the news (TV, radio, newspaper, magazines, etc), what percentage out of 100 do you feel is coving global news? If the percentage is too difficult to imagine, let's make it simpler; do you feel there is a balanced local, national and international amount of coverage?

2. Do you know what you're accessing the news for? What are you specifically interested in? How does this play into your decision for which medium you access the news from? For example, if your primary purpose for the news is to gain business news, then do you only explore business-focused news media?

3. Do you care about global news? You may think that you "should" say "yes, of course I do" here, but no...let's be really honest. Do you care? This could be a tough question for some, because if you are avoiding global news, what is the purpose behind that? For example, I know people who avoid global news because they feel saddened by it, or frustrated by it, angered by it, or feel guilty for not contributing more or acting more socially and/or environmentally responsibly more consistently.

4. All of us could know more about our world, so this question is not judgemental in nature, but challenging all of us equally. How can you be more aware of what's happening on this planet? What benefits would that knowledge bring you? What are you committing to?

As always, if you need any further personal support in response to any of these coaching exercies, please consider using the askacoach.com service.

All the best,
Noel

Noel Posus - Master Coach
www.askacoach.com

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Watch the Wisdom at Work Video Invitation

A number of people have written in requesting some additional cities and dates for Wisdom at Work to be run. So, Claire and I have set up some more possibilities for you and also created an invitation video for you to watch.

Watch the video here.

And all of the currently planned dates for Wisdom at Work are:

- Sydney - Thursday, June 26, 2008 (confirmed)
- Sydney - Thursday, September 25, 2008 (to be confirmed based on enrollments)
- Melbourne - Thursday, October 2, 2008 (to be confirmed based on enrollments)

If you would like additional cities and dates for this exciting event (read more here ), then please send me an email . Please note that I'll likely ask you to help me come up with the numbers to run the event.

Coaching Exercises

Today's coaching questions are short and full of opportunity for reflection:

1. Who have you learned valuable lessons from in your life?

2. How has your life improved based on the wisdom of others?

3. How have you thanked those who have guided you (and/or how could you thank them now)?

4. What valuable life lessons do you have to share with others, and have or are sharing?

As always, if you need any further personal support in response to any of these coaching exercies, please consider using the askacoach.com service.

All the best,
Noel

Noel Posus - Master Coach
www.askacoach.com

Join our newsletter by clicking here.

Business Coaching - The Balanced Scorecard - Part Five of Five - Financial Perspective

Today we're looking at the Financial perspective of The Balanced Scorecard. As a reminder, there are four areas of the scorecard methodology:

- Financial Focus
- Customer Focus
- Internal Business Process Focus
- Learning and Development Focus

Kaplan and Norton, in designing The Balanced Scorecard, do not disregard the traditional need for financial data. Timely and accurate data will always be a priority, and managers will do whatever is necessary to provide it. In fact, often there is more than enough handling and processing of financial data for many organisations.

Be clear about what financial data you want to track and what the purpose is to you for knowing that information. Also, as shown in the previous entries of this blog series, it's important to understand what all of the various input factors are for each financial target.

If you have a target of making $X this quarter, then how many new customers do you need to attract? What processes are in place to attract those customers and ensure they convert to sales and are satisfied? And who knows how to do this, or if they don't now, how can you teach them?

Coaching Exercises

Today, we're asking some general questions about your business. There are many more to be asked, so this is just a starting point.

1. What are your high-level financial objectives?

2. When do they have to be achieved by?

3. Is there a particular order in which they need to be achieved?

4. How are you evaluating these as important?

5. How are you measuring these objectives? In other words, what data and reporting mechanisms do you have in place?

6. What strategies do you have in place already, or which could be designed, to address each of the objectives? In some cases, there may be more than one strategy required to achieve the desired outocome?

7. For each strategy, do you have any dates identified to achieve them?

8. For each strategy, what are the measurement criteria and how specifically are you going to collect the data?

9. Who is responsible for each strategy? What reporting do you need from them?

10. For each objective, and for all stakeholders related to the achievement of that objective, what learning and devleopment objectives must also be met? These may also link to the internal business process objectives and the customer objectives.

11. For each objective, what internal business process objectives must also be met? These may link to the customer objectives as well.

12. If you have already been measuring certain financial objectives, and have been able to identify that one or more of them is underperforming, which related financial, customer, internal business process and/or learning and development objectives are also underperforming? This information may help you in identifying root cause of the problem, and from this awareness, you can explore new choices and actions to implement to correct the issue.

13. If you're unsure about the objectives, the data, causes of problems or opportunities to improve the situation, whom wihin or outside of your organisation could you be turning to for assistance? This is potentially part of your own learning and development.

As always, if you need any further personal support in response to any of these coaching exercies, please consider using the askacoach.com service.

All the best,
Noel

Noel Posus - Master Coach
www.askacoach.com

Join our newsletter by clicking here.

Business Coaching - The Balanced Scorecard - Part Four of Five - Customer Perspective

Today we're looking at the Customer perspective of The Balanced Scorecard. As a reminder, there are four areas of the scorecard methodology:

- Financial Focus
- Customer Focus
- Internal Business Process Focus
- Learning and Development Focus

Recent management philosophy has show an increasing realisation of the importance of custoemr focus and customer satisfaction in any business. These are leading indicators: if customers are not satisfied, they will eventually find other suppliers that will meet their needs. Poor performance from this perspective is thus a leading indicator of future decline, even though the current financial picture may look good.

In developing metrics for satisfaction, customers should be analysed in terms of kinds of customers and the kinds of processes for which we are providing a product or service to those customer groups.

NOTE: Lead indicators refer to behaviours that the organisation must consistently demonstrate in order to achieve the strategic objectives. Lead indicators are forward thinking and focused. Lag indicators, on the other hand, are often past performance focused, meaning that an analysis is performed against past performance and new decisions made to enhance current performance. Typically a balance of both lag and lead indicators works well for an organisatoin, where lead indicators are the key strategic measurement.

Coaching Exercises

Today, we're asking some general questions about your business. There are many more to be asked, so this is just a starting point.

1. What are your high-level customer objectives?

2. When do they have to be achieved by?

3. Is there a particular order in which they need to be achieved?

4. How are you evaluating these as important?

5. How are you measuring these objectives? In other words, what data and reporting mechanisms do you have in place?

6. What strategies do you have in place already, or which could be designed, to address each of the objectives? In some cases, there may be more than one strategy required to achieve the desired outocome?

7. For each strategy, do you have any dates identified to achieve them?

8. For each strategy, what are the measurement criteria and how specifically are you going to collect the data?

9. Who is responsible for each strategy? What reporting do you need from them?

10. For each objective, and for all stakeholders related to the achievement of that objective, what learning and devleopment objectives must also be met? These may also link to the internal business process objectives and the financial objectives.

11. For each objective, what internal business process objectives must also be met? These may link to the financial objectives as well.

12. If you have already been measuring certain customer objectives, and have been able to identify that one or more of them is underperforming, which related financial, customer, internal business process and/or learning and development objectives are also underperforming? This information may help you in identifying root cause of the problem, and from this awareness, you can explore new choices and actions to implement to correct the issue.

13. If you're unsure about the objectives, the data, causes of problems or opportunities to improve the situation, whom wihin or outside of your organisation could you be turning to for assistance? This is potentially part of your own learning and development.

As always, if you need any further personal support in response to any of these coaching exercies, please consider using the askacoach.com service.

All the best,
Noel

Noel Posus - Master Coach
www.askacoach.com

Join our newsletter by clicking here.

Business Coaching - The Balanced Scorecard - Part Three of Five - Internal Business Process Perspective

Today we're looking at the Internal Business Process perspective of The Balanced Scorecard. As a reminder, there are four areas of the scorecard methodology:

- Financial Focus
- Customer Focus
- Internal Business Process Focus
- Learning and Development Focus

This perspective refers to internal business processes. Metrics based on this perspective allow the leaders of the organisation to know how well their business is running and whether its products and services conform to customer requirements. These processes need to be designed and measured with the customer experience in mind.

For example, how to collect and manage customer feedback is a critical process for any business. This isn't just about how to address complaints well, but on a bigger scale, outline management responsibility in a measurable way. How does customer feedback influence future strategic direction of the business and the design of its products and services?

In addition to the strategic managment process, two kinds of business processes may be identified: a) mission-oriented processes, and b) support processes. Mission-oriented processes are the special functions related directly to the higher-level and customer-centric strategic objectives of the organisation. The support processes are more repetitive in nature, and hence easier to measure and benchmark using generic metrics.

Examples of support metrics could include on-time delivery of the product, regular internal communications like newsletters being consistently produced as agreed, or responding to all potential/existing client queries within 24 hours.

Coaching Exercises

Today, we're asking some general questions about your business. There are many more to be asked, so this is just a starting point.

1. What are your high-level internal business process objectives?

2. When do they have to be achieved by?

3. Is there a particular order in which they need to be achieved?

4. How are you evaluating these as important?

5. How are you measuring these objectives? In other words, what data and reporting mechanisms do you have in place?

6. What strategies do you have in place already, or which could be designed, to address each of the objectives? In some cases, there may be more than one strategy required to achieve the desired outocome?

7. For each strategy, do you have any dates identified to achieve them?

8. For each strategy, what are the measurement criteria and how specifically are you going to collect the data?

9. Who is responsible for each strategy? What reporting do you need from them?

10. For each objective, and for all stakeholders related tot he achievement of that objective, what learning and development objectives must also be met?

11. For each objective, what customer objectives must also be met? These may link to the financial objectives as well.

12. If you have already been measuring certain internal business process objectives, and have been able to identify that one or more of them is underperforming, which related financial, customer, internal business process and/or learning and development objectives are also underperforming? This information may help you in identifying root cause of the problem, and from this awareness, you can explore new choices and actions to implement to correct the issue.

13. If you're unsure about the objectives, the data, causes of problems or opportunities to improve the situation, whom wihin or outside of your organisation could you be turning to for assistance? This is potentially part of your own learning and development.

As always, if you need any further personal support in response to any of these coaching exercies, please consider using the askacoach.com service.

All the best,
Noel

Noel Posus - Master Coach
www.askacoach.com

Join our newsletter by clicking here.

Business Coaching - The Balanced Scorecard - Part Two of Five - Learning and Development Perspective

Today we're looking at the Learning and Development perspective of The Balanced Scorecard. As a reminder, there are four areas of the scorecard methodology:

- Financial Focus
- Customer Focus
- Internal Business Process Focus
- Learning and Development Focus

As the learning and development (or sometimes referred to as Learning and Growth) perspective feeds into all other objectives, we shall start our exploration fo the balanced scorecard here.

This perspective includes employee training and corporate cultural attitudes related to both individual and corporate self-improvement. This is a lot more than just training however. It also includes having mentoring programmes, developing ways to share knowledge amongst key stakeholders, and helping people learn how to take responsibility for problem solving. Do people know how to do what you expect and/or need them to do? What are you doing to support them develop in these areas? If your team doesn't know how to perform, or how to perform better than they are now, then their ability to meet operational, customer and financial targets is diminished.

Coaching Exercises

Today, we're asking some general questions about your business. There are many more to be asked, so this is just a starting point.

1. What are your high-level learning and development objectives?

2. When do they have to be achieved by?

3. Is there a particular order in which they need to be achieved?

4. How are you evaluating these as important?

5. How are you measuring these objectives? In other words, what data and reporting mechanisms do you have in place?

6. What strategies do you have in place already, or which could be designed, to address each of the objectives? In some cases, there may be more than one strategy required to achieve the desired outocome?

7. For each strategy, do you have any dates identified to achieve them?

8. For each strategy, what are the measurement criteria and how specifically are you going to collect the data?

9. Who is responsible for each strategy? What reporting do you need from them?

10. For each objective, what financial targets are required to be met to achieve the desired outcome?

11. For each objective, what internal business process objectives must also be met? These may link to the customer objectives as well.

12. If you have already been measuring certain learning and development objectives, and have been able to identify that one or more of them is underperforming, which related financial, customer, internal business process and/or learning and development objectives are also underperforming? This information may help you in identifying root cause of the problem, and from this awareness, you can explore new choices and actions to implement to correct the issue.

13. If you're unsure about the objectives, the data, causes of problems or opportunities to improve the situation, whom wihin or outside of your organisation could you be turning to for assistance? This is potentially part of your own learning and development.

As always, if you need any further personal support in response to any of these coaching exercies, please consider using the askacoach.com service.

All the best,
Noel

Noel Posus - Master Coach
www.askacoach.com

Join our newsletter by clicking here.

Business Coaching - The Balanced Scorecard - Part One of Five - Overview

Many business coaches use The Balanced Scorecard with their clients to help identify key business strategies to achieve objectives in the following four categories:

- Financial Focus
- Customer Focus
- Internal Business Process Focus
- Learning and Development Focus

The Balanced Scorecard is a strategy-focused measurement and reporting mechanism developmed by Kaplan and Norton in the mid nineties at Harvard Business School.

The four perspectives, or focus areas listed above, are all important.

As compared to other management models and approaches, the "balanced scorecard" approach provides a clear prescription as to what companies should measure in order to "balance" the financial perspective.

In other words, many businesses have such a focus on their financial targets, that the attention is unbalanced against other important areas of the business.

For a business to achieve its financial targets, it must be able to meet all of its customer targets. Customer targets can only be met if there are sound internal business process objectives being achieved. And none of this is possible without also focusing on the learning and development objectives of the organisation and its people, in order for them to perform the necessary behaviours in all categories.

According to The Balanced Scorecard Institute , "the balanced scorecard is a management system (not only a measurement system) that enables organisations to clarify their vision and strategy and translate them into action. It provides feedback around both the internal business processes and external outcomes in order to continuously improve strategic performance and results. When fully deployed, the balanced scorecard transforms strategic planning from an academic exercise into the nerve centre of an enterprise."

Today and the next four day's worth of blog entries will provide you with a number of coaching questions and exercises drawn from The Balanced Scorecard which you may find effective in analysing, planning and driving your business.

Coaching Exercises

Today, we're asking some general questions about your business. There are many more to be asked, so this is just a starting point.

1. What is your organisation's Vision Statement? In other words, what is the ultimate future-oriented goal of the organisation, which would also be the reputation you will have earned? How do you curently measure your performance against your Vision Statement? if you are not curently measuring it, what metrics could be used?

2. What is your organisation's Mission Statement? In other words, what are the consisten behaviours and strategies you demonstrate and measure which will achieve your Vision? How do you curently measure your performance against your Mission Statement? if you are not curently measuring it, what metrics could be used?

3. What are your organisation's Company Values? These are your core operating principles, either in terms of business practice or individual behaviours? How do you currently measure your performance against your Company Values? If you are not currently measuring it, what metrics could be used?

4. What are the top five objectives of your organisation right now and for the coming year or so? How are these documented and shared with the various stakeholders? If not documented and shared now, what are you willing to do to correct that?

As always, if you need any further personal support in response to any of these coaching exercies, please consider using the askacoach.com service.

All the best,
Noel

Noel Posus - Master Coach
www.askacoach.com

Join our newsletter by clicking here.

Who is the Most Peaceful?

The Global Peace Index results for 2008 were released today. The index ranked 140 countries this year (121 were analysed in 2007) based on 24 criteria.

Who is this year's most peaceful country? Iceland

Iceland is followed closely by Denmark, Norway, New Zealand and completing the top five, Japan.

Who is this year's least peaceful country? Iraq

The rest of the bottom five include Somalia, Sudan, Afghanistan and Israel.

Want to learn more about this study? You can by visiting Vision of Humanity's website .

The concept of peace is notoriously dificult to define, according to their website. "The simplest way of approaching it is in terms of harmony achieved by the absense of war or conflict." Of course, there's a lot more commentary about what is peace and what makes for a peaceful culture, which has influenced the 24 quantitative and qualitative assessment criteria used.

Here are some exercises to explore peace.

Coaching Exercises

1. What does the concept of "peace" mean to you when you apply it at a social, cultural or political level? Why do you feel defining this might be important?

2. OK, now see if you can apply your definition of "peace" to your own life and how you and others relate individually. For example, if you considered peace to mean "without conflict" then how does this apply to your life and relationships now? What else does peace include and how peaceful is your life?

3. One of the most commonly offered solutions to address the absence of peace on the global political stage is "dialogue". In other words, if we communicate well and with sincerity and a commitment to mutually beneficial outcomes, we're likely to support the "peace process". How well do you communicate and support the peace process in your own personal and/or professional life?

4. In review of these exercises, is there anything you feel you need to change? What are you committing to? When and how will you implement this change?

Please remember that some changes take time and repteated practice to get right.

As always, if you need any further personal support in response to any of these coaching exercies, please consider using the askacoach.com service.

All the best,
Noel

Noel Posus - Master Coach
www.askacoach.com

Join our newsletter by clicking here.

The Oasis - Supporting Homeless Teenagers

Yesterday, Sarah and I were able to meet with Paul Moulds, Captain of the Oasis Youth Support Network. He is an amazing man, with what seems an unlimited amount of energy, compassion, humour and strength. We're very grateful that Paul was able to share an hour of his time so that we could discuss how askacoach.com could help support The Oasis, which is a refuge dedicated to assisting young people in need.

Did you know that across Australia, 22,000 teenagers are homeless?

We encourage you to learn more about this cause and to check out the film, The Oasis . We are dedicated to supporting Paul, the Oasis and the kids there, and we'll be announcing a number of askacoach.com initiatives to raise funds and providing coaching and life skills support over the coming weeks, months and beyond.

Coaching Exercises

1. One of our basic human needs is security/safety. What does this mean to you?

2. There are 22,000 teenagers homeless in Australia on any given night, as well as tens of thousands of other men, women and children without shelter, safety and security. How does this statistic make you feel? What awareness might you have had about this issue before now? If you are not in Australia, are you aware of the facts for where you live?

3. In many locations around the world there are numerous government and non-government, private and public services focused on supporting the needs of youth, particularly homeless youth. Generally speaking, they all need help to do what they do. Are you aware of any organisations that are particularly in need, and where their need matches your strengths and ability to support? If not, are you interested in discovering this?

4. There are many ways of helping and they don't necessarily have to do with giving money. Instead it could be about sharing time, skills and expertise. This applies to all in need, and not just the cause mentioned here. Who needs your wisdom right now? Are you willing to share it the way they need it shared? Are you willing to commit to anything?

Please remember that some changes take time and repteated practice to get right.

As always, if you need any further personal support in response to any of these coaching exercies, please consider using the askacoach.com service.

All the best,
Noel

Noel Posus - Master Coach
www.askacoach.com

Join our newsletter by clicking here.

Free E-Book: You Can Choose To Be Happy by Tom Stevens PhD

Tom G Stevens has given askacoach.com permission to distribute his e-book You Can Choose To Be Happy to our readers as long as we don't make any commercial gain from it. Easy, we love to share!

To get your copy, simply email me and request a copy . I'll then send one to you within 24 hours.

All I ask in return is that you sign up for our askacoach.com newsletter. You don't really have to, but I would greatly appreciate it if you did. Join our newsletter by clicking here.

Coaching Exercises

1. What does being happy mean to you?

2. You have a choice in any given moment to be happy or be something else. How aware do you think you are of the moments where you're making these choices?

3. You may not be consciously aware that you're making a choice, but subconsciously you are doing it. Sometimes we are subconsciously making choices to be unhappy. Yes, it's true. The reason for this can be that when we have problems or an issue to complain about, we feel it is giving us a sense of significance and meaning. And it can be difficult to imagine our life being happy without the problem as we struggle to believe in our ability to achieve a better outcome. So why give up the problem if we don't have something positive and real to replace it with, right? Does this describe you? What's really going on for you when you're making a choice to be happy or something else?

4. After having explored the previous three questions, is there anything you want to change? What are you committing to and how are you going to implement that change?

Please remember that some changes take time and repteated practice to get right.

As always, if you need any further personal support in response to any of these coaching exercies, please consider using the askacoach.com service.

All the best,
Noel

Noel Posus - Master Coach
www.askacoach.com

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FISH! - Make Their Day

Part Four of Four - Make Their Day

FISH! - It started off as a film, then created into a book, and now a worldwide phenomenon about changing an environment, namely a workplace environment (but you could do this in just about any environment), into one that is more inspirational, creative and innovative. Read more about FISH!

The four FISH! principles:

Choose Your Attitude
Play
Be There
Make Their Day

Today's "Gone Fishing" blog entry is: Make Their Day

Has someone ever done something so out of the blue and supportive, nice, helpful or whatever that you thought, "wow, you've just made my day"?

Well, that's the feeling we're talking about here.

Imagine if you choose the attitude to be aware of others' needs and that you wanted to be there for them when they need you, and you combined this with being creative and innovative (play), and you're also paying attention in the moment (be there), then you're likely to easily spot moments where you might be able to make someone's day.

It could be as simple as complimenting someone, or possibly more involved such as offering to help. It could be the way in which you acknowledge a customer's feelings even if you can't solve the problem.

Part of the process here is caring in the first place. When the caring is there, it can be really easy to make someone's day, which may just make your day as well.

Coaching Exercises

1. What does "making their day" mean to you? Consider your experiences of when you made someone's day, and when someone made your day. What happened that was unique and special? What did you or the other person do, or think, or believe, that was so different?

2. We often find it easier to complain and share stories of poor customer service, or anyone's bad behaviour for that matter, than to share the great stories and to rave about someone else. If this is true for you, what do you think is behind that? Are you noticing the good as well as the bad around you? Are you afraid of giving compliments because you struggle to accept them yourself? Anything else?

3. Do you understand the notion of "random acts of kindness"? Do you think that making someone's day takes too much time, money, effort, emotion, etc? Are you being fair in that? How much is time, money, effort, emotion affected when you do nothing?

4. Would you like to "make their day" more often? What needs to change to make that happen? Are there any new attitude choices to make? Do you need to learn how to play first? Are you paying attention in the moment? What specifically are you committing to?

Please remember that some changes take time and repteated practice to get right.

As always, if you need any further personal support in response to any of these coaching exercies, please consider using the askacoach.com service.

All the best,
Noel

Noel Posus - Master Coach
www.askacoach.com

FISH! - Be There

Part Three of Four - Be There

FISH! - It started off as a film, then created into a book, and now a worldwide phenomenon about changing an environment, namely a workplace environment (but you could do this in just about any environment), into one that is more inspirational, creative and innovative. Read more about FISH!

There are four principles in FISH!:

Choose Your Attitude
Play
Be There
Make Their Da

Today's "Gone Fishing" blog entry is: Be There

"Be There" is about being present for someone when they need you to be. It's about listening with absolute attention.

It's sincerely caring what the other person has to say and what their needs are. It's keeping your focus on them versus your internal dialogue about yourself.

It's about paying attention in this moment, versus thinking about the past and/or dreaming about the future.

This is also an attitude choice we can make moment to moment.

Coaching Exercises

1. What does "being there" mean to you? You can probably think of times when someone was present for you and times when people were not. How did you feel in each situation?

2. How present are you for others when they need you to be there? How well do you listen? Do you care about what you're hearing, or the needs of the person sharing? Does it change by context, or who the person is?

3. Despite your best intentions to be there for others, distractions and other obligations get in the way at times. What are you allowing to get in the way? (Notice the word "allowing" - it's a choice, isn't it?)

4. Would you like to "be there" for others more? How about being there for yourself? (Attending to your own needs too.) What needs to change? What choices need to be different? What are the likely outcomes of new choices to be there? How will you manage potential obstacles? If you can't change a particular obstacle, can you get creative about a different way to "be there" for someone? What are you specifically committing to?

Please remember that some changes take time and repteated practice to get right.

As always, if you need any further personal support in response to any of these coaching exercies, please consider using the askacoach.com service.

All the best,
Noel

Noel Posus - Master Coach
www.askacoach.com

FISH! - Play

Part Two of Four - Play

FISH! - It started off as a film, then created into a book, and now a worldwide phenomenon about changing an environment, namely a workplace environment (but you could do this in just about any environment), into one that is more inspirational, creative and innovative. Read more about FISH!

There are four principles in FISH!:

Choose Your Attitude
Play
Be There
Make Their Day

Today's "Gone Fishing" blog entry is: Play

In this principle we're looking at having fun! What a brilliant philosophy! Imagine being given permission to have a good time at work.

So, are you waiting for your boss or company to give you permission, or are you willing to give it to yourself? This is another attitude choice, isn't it?

Playing at work doesn't necessarily mean that you start throwing a football around the office, or reading joke emails every hour. It's about creating a light atmosphere where there's an ability to really enjoy time with your colleagues, to reduce the impact of stress and to have an outlet to be a bit creative.

For some, being playful might also be about letting go of just a bit of reserved control and to loosen up just a little. I'm sure you can imagine someone that statement fits with. Maybe it's you. Imagine the difference for that person and others. Maybe you can invite them to come out and play.

Coaching Exercises

1. What does being "playful" mean to you? You can consider both attitudes and behviours in your answer.

2. How often do you play? Is it different for work compared to other parts of your life?

3. Would you like to be playing more? Where? What effect do you think it'll have on you? On others? Can you imagine big outcomes, such as increased team efficiency, reduced sick days, overall happier morale?

4. Who could you be inviting to play with you? In fact, if you're not sure you know how to play, who could you get to teach you? What specifically are you committing to?

Please remember that some changes take time and repteated practice to get right.

As always, if you need any further personal support in response to any of these coaching exercies, please consider using the askacoach.com service.

All the best,
Noel

Noel Posus - Master Coach
www.askacoach.com

FISH! - Choose Your Attitude

Part One of Four - Be There

FISH! - It started off as a film, then created into a book, and now a worldwide phenomenon about changing an environment, namely a workplace environment (but you could do this in just about any environment), into one that is more inspirational, creative and innovative. Read more about FISH!

There are four principles in FISH!:

Choose Your Attitude
Play
Be There
Make Their Day

Today's "Gone Fishing" blog entry is: Choose Your Attitude

In this principle we're looking at "choice" far more than we're looking at "attitude". The reason for this is first to raise awareness that we do have a choice of attitude in every moment.

When we get up in the morning we might choose an attitude about the day we're going to have. Some people might make a different choice of attitude on a Monday morning compared to a Saturday monrning. The choice can set the tone for the rest of the day.

If you're driving and someone cuts in front of you, you have a choice of how you respond to that and how it affects your day.

If a customer complains, you have a choice.
If a co-worker gossips about you, you have a choice.

The coaching questions below about about your attitude choices.

Coaching Exercises

1. What attitude did you choose when reading today's blog entry?

2. Consider some of the attitudes you've had in the past week or so. Some where positive and others were not. Try to remember for each of those situations the point where you choose the attitude. What other choices did you have? What influenced the choice you made?

3. Now that you're more aware of your choices, how satisfied are you that those choices are serving you well? Are they serving others well? Sometimes we choose an attitude which we think we'll keep us "safe" or will meet some other need, but it could have a negative effect on others and then end up having a negative effect on us. What's working well for you and those around you? What's not?

4. Is there anything you want to change about how you make attitude choices? Would you like to be more positive in your choices? What benefits to you and others would there be if you made this change? What specifically are you committing to?

Please remember that some changes take time and repteated practice to get right.

As always, if you need any further personal support in response to any of these coaching exercies, please consider using the askacoach.com service.

All the best,
Noel

Noel Posus - Master Coach
www.askacoach.com

Have Great Friends

A dear friend of mine (and he's also a brilliant coach!) has this fantastic e-book called Have Great Friends , which I thought you might like to know about. The subtext is How to do it from someone who does. And I must say, he does know what he's talking about, so please check it out.

Coaching Exercises

1. What does "friendship" mean to you?

2. Many people might say that they have different types of friends. For example, acuaintances, good friends, best friends, friends for a reason, season or lifetime, etc. How do you describe the different types of friends you have and what purpose does that differentiation make to you? For example, would you do more for one type of friend than another?

3. Having great friends often starts with being a great friend in the first place. How good of a friend are you? How are you measuring that? What feedback do you have to support that?

4. If you're not attracting and retaining the type of friends you want and need right now, what needs to be changing? Is it something about you? Is it something about your friends? Is it somethign about where you meet? Think carefully and then determine what you can commit to, and then put it into action.

As always, if you need any further personal support in response to any of these coaching exercies, please consider using the askacoach.com service.

All the best,
Noel

Noel Posus - Master Coach
www.askacoach.com

Wisdom at Work - June 26, 2008 Sydney Australia

Today is a very special day, as we're also able to promote our Wisdom at Work workshop in Sydney on the 26th of June, 2008. Read more about it here .

So, it seemed only appropriate for today's blog to include some coaching exercises around wisdom. To help you to get started, one of the more simple models to explain wisdom is that it is the combination of intelligence, experience and creativity and the outcomes are bigger than simply attending to our own personal needs, but expands to consider the needs of the group or all people.

Coaching Exercises

1. There are many ways of defining wisdom. What does it mean to you?

2. Wisdom is often linked with leadership. How wise of a leader do you feel you are? Consider that you lead others AND you also lead yourself.

3. Who do you consider to be wise? Could it be certain politicians, a grandparent, friend or someone from history? What contributed to their wisdom? How did they develop into the person you see them as? What can you learn from this for your own life and wisdom development?

4. What do you need more of to become more wise? What do you need less of? Some "wise people" might say that we all need to raise our awareness more, read more, be more cultural, more political and more involved; and be less selfish, less caught up as victims and less agressive. What do you think? There is no right or wrong answer - no right "wise" answer. Just explore.

As always, if you need any further personal support in response to any of these coaching exercies, please consider using the askacoach.com service.

All the best,
Noel

Noel Posus - Master Coach
www.askacoach.com

The Future of Coaching - Embracing the Opportunities of the 2010s

I'm very pleased to be able to announce that Sarah and I get to host the Inaugural ECI Australasian Coaching Conference this November 20-22, 2008 in Sydney, Australia.

The topic for this event is: The Future of Coaching - Embracing the Opportunities of the 2010s

If you would like to check out the full line up of topics, please visit the website and download the current PDF invitation. Just click here .

Also, have a look at the exciting pre-conference workshop of coaching industry thought leaders, and the post-conference workshop on mastery of self, coaching, business and industry. The pre and post workshops are facilitated by myself, and I am the MC for the conference day itself.

Coaching Exercises For Coaching and Similar Helping Professionals

1. What do you hope to get out of attending such conferences as the one described above?

2. How active are you in ensuring you get what you want from such events? Do you do nothing and hope they deliver, or at what level do you get more involved and seek the information, networks, etc that are important to you?

3. How do you currently plan your ongoing professional development? How could this process improve? What are you willing to commit to?

4. "Coaching Conferences" are not just for coaches, but for all people who may use coaching skills in their role. This includes leaders, counsellors, teachers, doctors and parents. How could you personally and/or professionally benefit by attending a coaching conference such as the one highlighted here?

As always, if you need any further personal support in response to any of these coaching exercies, please consider using the askacoach.com service.

All the best,
Noel

Noel Posus - Master Coach
www.askacoach.com

Pangea Day 2008

Yesterday was the first ever Pangea Day. If you would like to know more about this amazing event, please check out their website at www.pangeaday.org

The Pangea Day Mission & Purpose
Pangea Day is a global event bringing the world together through film.

Why? In a world where people are often divided by borders, difference, and conflict, it's easy to lose sight of what we all have in common. Pangea Day seeks to overcome that – to help people see themselves in others – through the power of film.

Check out some of the video footage and film from Pangea Day at www.pangeaday.org

Or if you want, here's the first 20 minutes of the event on YouTube . This video is wonderful, and includes Desmond Tutu, Queen Noor and parts of the film "Pale Blue Dot". Incredible!

Coaching Exercises

1. There is only one coaching exercise for today's blog entry. Watch the YouTube link and/or go to the Pangea Day website and view footage there. Read about Pangea Day. Discover its purpose. Then, consider your response to this incredible event. What are you now inspired to do? What are you committing to?

As always, if you need any further personal support in response to any of these coaching exercies, please consider using the askacoach.com service.

All the best,
Noel

Noel Posus - Master Coach
www.askacoach.com

Career Coaching: Redundancy is a Gift

I do a lot of career coaching and one of the more common situations these days that I get to work with is when someone is made redundant at work. (Actually, when I first moved to Australia eleven years ago I had to quickly learn new terms. For example, in the USA "redundancy" would actually be referred to as someone being "layed off".)

I must admit, every time someone tells me they've been made redundant, or that they're about to be, the first thing I always say is, "Congratulations!"

Why?

Well, the way that I see it, as do many of the people I work with, being made redundant is like being given the keys to the city (or some may refer to it as the keys to open their jail cell).

It can clear the path so that you can try something new, to pursue something different, and/or to finally follow your dreams.

And sometimes, the person may also get a decent financial pay out which can ease some of the pressure that might have got in the way of taking the leap and go after what they wanted earlier.

So, here are some questions related to career, redundancy and starting anew.

Coaching Exercises

1. Have you ever been made redundant before? How did you feel at the time, and what did you do next? (If you haven't been made redundant, you could consider the same question if you've been fired for any reason.) What did you learn about yourself from that experience? What strengths did you find in you that you may not have noticed before?

2. If you were given an opportunity today to change and do something different, and there was no issue about money or the risk of failure, what would you be doing instead? Would you still do it if there was some risk of failure?

3. How do you feel about "risk" in general? How do you evaluate it? What impact does it have in your decision making processes? What role does it play when you're considering your career and opportunities you're presented with? Can you see any potential value if you were a bit more open to risk? Do you feel you need to be a bit less risky than you are now, and what's behind that belief?

4. It can be very easy for us to focus on our past career steps, achievements and or mistakes, versus focusing on our future career vision and opportunities. Which do you focus on more? What is your current focus providing you? If you focus on the past more than the future, what benefits might you achieve if you switched focus? Do you have a professional development plan, in writing? Could now be the time to develop one?

As always, if you need any further personal support in response to any of these coaching exercies, please consider using the askacoach.com service.

All the best,
Noel

Noel Posus - Master Coach
www.askacoach.com

The Five Keys to Success by Matt Church (and Noel Posus)

I've recently joined a group called Thought Leaders , which is defined as:

"We help clever people be commercially smart using our revolutionary business model. A framework for doing business better, faster and easier that’s poised to change the way business is conducted forever. More of a movement than an organisation, Thought Leaders helps our members achieve financial freedom faster!"

Thought Leaders is lead by one of my personal heroes, Matt Church. I was at a Presentation Skills and Keynote Address Master Class run by Matt yesterday where I was reminded of his Five Keys to Success, and I thought it would be good to share these with you today and then ask you some coaching questions about them.

The Five Keys to Success are Desire, Belief, Focus, Commitment and Action.

Coaching Exercises

1. Define each of the five keys to success for you. Just focus on what you think they mean in this step.

2. The next step is to determine what you want to be successful at. This is important so that we have a context for the next two exercises. Keep in mind that you can repeat exercises two through four again and again for each "thing" you want to be successful at. For example, you may do this process once for being successful as a leader, and again as a parent, and again as an author or a friend or an athlete. It's totally up to you.

3. Now, for the area that you want to be successful at, rate yourself on a scale of one to ten, with one being the lowest and ten the highest, in each of the five keys to success. You are only measuring how you are today. How much desire do you have today? How much do you believe in yourself today? How focused are you today on your goal? How much commitment do you have today toward being a success? And how well are you following through today on the necessary actions required to achieve success?

4. At this stage, you know what you want (but now maybe that's been questioned a bit) and you know how well you're doing (or not doing) right now. So it's logical to think that it's also fairly obvious what you need to change to be more successful. What do you need to change? What is the impact if you don't change? What will the benefits be if you do (other than just being successful)? When and how are you going to change? How are you going to keep yourself accountable, or who are you going to ask to do that?

As always, if you need any further personal support in response to any of these coaching exercies, please consider using the askacoach.com service.

All the best,
Noel

Noel Posus - Master Coach
www.askacoach.com

Is the Platypus the Missing Link?

OK, this one is going to seem like it's come out of left field, and well, I'm alright with that.

I read a story this morning that the genome of the Australian platypus has finally been decoded. What they've found is that this interesting little critter is part mammal, part bird and part reptile. I didn't know they had venom, did you?

So, why am I sharing this? Well, something tells me that we can use the platypus story as a metaphor as we explore our own self-awareness.

Please read the article from ABC News online here . (If you're reading this blog entry some time after it has been written there's a chance the link will no longer be active. If that's the case, just Google "platypus genome decoded" and I'm sure you'll find an interesting article.)

Coaching Exercises

1. The platypus is a combination of things, and it could be argued that it's taken some of the best qualities throughout its evolution to become what it is today. In your own life experience, you have had the chance to pick up, or discard, qualities along the way. What have you kept? What have you discarded?

2. The platypus is still evolving, as are we all. What qualities do you have now that you want to keep, celebrate and/or enhance? What qualities do you want to minimise or diminish?

3. Carrying on from the previous question, what specifically is your goal? Write it down.

4. And following through, what is the plan to achieve your goal? What are you going to do in the next 24 hours? What are you going to do after that? What are the milestones along the way? How will you measure that you've achieved your goal? How will you celebrate achieving the objective?

As always, if you need any further personal support in response to any of these coaching exercies, please consider using the askacoach.com service.

All the best,
Noel

Noel Posus - Master Coach
www.askacoach.com

Leverage Your Strengths

Marcus Buckingham's Career Workshop on Oprah - Free Download

Marcus Buckingham, author of Go Put Your Strengths to Work: 6 Powerful Steps to Achieve Outstanding Performance - NOW, Discover Your Strengths and First, Break All the Rules: What the World's Greatest Managers Do Differently has an online multi-media course you can access at Oprah.com

I was sent the link to this great resource today from Coaching Toys, and I'm thrilled that it's free to everyone. In fact, while writing this blog, I've downloaded the entire series to my iPod.

Here's the link: Marcus Buckingham's Career Workshop

Coaching Exercises

1. First, define what you think a strength is.

2. Next, consider creating a list of what your strengths are.

3. How are you best making use of your strengths? Which of your strengths are you making the most of?

4. Which of your strengths are you not making the most of? What needs to change? What are you willing to commit to?

As always, if you need any further personal support in response to any of these coaching exercies, please consider using the askacoach.com service.

All the best,
Noel

Noel Posus - Master Coach
www.askacoach.com

Happy Anniversary to the Internet! - 15 Years & 10 Billion Websites

My business partner, Sarah Hue-Williams , sent me a note last week on the 30th of April to say that it was the 15th anniversary of the World Wide Web (WWW). There are now over 10 billion websites listed!

How cool is that? (Well, I think it's cool but I'm quite likely to as I spend so much time using the Internet.)

I'm also acutely aware that many of my clients and colleagues have been, or are still, quite uncomfortable using computers and accessing the Internet. There's some uncertainty and fear connected with it. I get that. I was nervous too, and still get that way sometimes when something unexpected happens.

Here are some coaching exercises specifically about (and honouring) the World Wide Web. Happy Anniversary!

Coaching Exercises

1. Consider how likely you are to go to the Internet to research an answer to your questions or to find a solution to your problems. On a scale of one to ten, with one being never and ten being always, how would you rate yourself on this? Do you have an understanding of what factors have contributed to the rating you've given? Would you like that to change? What do you think you can do about it?

2. The Internet is an amazing resource if we only try to use it. For example, you can type into the search engine box exactly what you're looking for and you can even put it in as a question. For example, you could write, "looking for tips to become more confident." Guess what? You'll get pages and pages of websites, most with something valueable to offer. What questions do you want to ask?

3. Researching something on the Internet also takes patience and some strategy. As with the previous question, you could end up with pages to review, so you either need to be patient and check them out one by one until you get what you need, or you need to strategically refine your search criteria and change the wording of your questions, or just reduce to a few key words. How patient are you generally? How patient are you with the Internet? Are you giving it a fair chance to deliver what you need? Are you flexible in your approach? Are you creative in what you're asking for? If you're unsatisfied with any of your answers here, what can you do to turn the situation around? If you are happy with your answers, great, and happy web surfing!

4. Just for fun, Google (or use the search engine of your choice) your own name. See what's already listed there about you? Are you happy with what's there? Would you like more? What can you do to get more exposure for yourself?

As always, if you need any further personal support in response to any of these coaching exercies, please consider using the askacoach.com service.

All the best,
Noel

Noel Posus - Master Coach
www.askacoach.com

Relationship Coaching - Part 7 or 7 - Caring

Relationship Coaching Blog Series:
The 7 "Cs" of Developing and Maintaining Healthy Relationships
Part 7 of 7 - Caring
Many thanks to Carol McGowan of askacoach.com for providing the original content for this series.

This is the final installment of a seven part series on developing and maintaining healthy relationships. There are seven factors we'll explore in this series: Closeness, Connectedness, Chemistry, Cooperation, Communication, Compatibility and Caring.

Today's factor: Caring

Depending on the nature of the relationship, this can be a problem. (Interesting and surprising start, eh?)

Women are often well skilled in taking on caring roles. Unfortunately this can often be at their own expense. So they give to the other party but are not as inclined or willing to receive what others may wish to provide them. This is often seen in women's responses when someone gives them a compliment. This can be a difficult moment for people unless they have learned to accept the gift of a compliment like they may accept a birthday gift - by simply saying, "thank you."

Now, I understand that the previous paragraph could be interpreted as stereotyping women. Please don't be fooled to think that men aren't also in caring roles, that they're not well skilled, or that all men find it easy to receive help, caring and compliments. We all have individual roles, skills and challenges related to caring.

Doing things for others just because you want to, and not out of a sense of obligation, is a way of showing caring. For example, sending a "thinking of you" note or a small unexpected gift or running errands for someont who cannot are all ways of showing you care.

So this factor isn't just about the notion of caring, but about exploring how we demonstrate to others that we care in an observable way, and also to explore how comfortable we are with receiving someone else's care for us.

Coaching Exercises

1. What does "caring" mean to you?

2. What caring roles are you in now, and who are you caring for? Try to come up with as long a list as possible, and be detailed in that list. For example, if you're a parent and have more than one child, list the role and each child's name as separate line items. If you're a leader, list the direct reports you care for. This may be a long list. There are a number of purposes to this list. The first being that you will immediately gain a sense of the vast number of caring opportunities you have in your life right now, and this may help you explore "who you are" as a carer. The next questions continue on from this exercise.

3. With the list created above, there are two more steps. The first is to rate each caring relationship on a scale of one to ten, where one is very poor and where ten is very high. You're measureing, from your own opinion, how well you feel your caring is serving the relationship. This is tricky step. This isn't measuring necessarily "how much" you give, or "how much" the other person appreciates it, or "how much" it shows. This is about looking at "how well" it serves the relationship in a way that is appropriate to the context and supports the needs of both parties in the relationship. This could take some deep thought to evaluate. Please be fair in your assessment (don't beat yourself up and at the same time be honest with yourself). Once you've completed this assessment for all the relationships on the list, your final step of this process is to write up one change that you can implement for each relationship which could bring the "caring" serving-the-relationship factor closer to ten by one point or more (or achieving ten). Once you write down what you could do, you are far more likely to do it. If you want to be very direct and commital, state in your writing what you WILL DO versus what you COULD DO.

4. This article has also briefly touched on how we feel about receiving caring, help and compliments from others. How do you feel about this? Do you have an awareness that when other people are offering caring to you that it is also about them satisfying their own needs, as well as to help you? What difference does that make for you? What do you feel you could, or will, do differently in terms of accepting caring from others? What will be different for YOU when you make that change (think benefits)? And a final tip on this point: If you find it difficult to accept compliments, you coud consider standing in front of a mirror and just saying to yourself, "thank you" over and over again without any other words. Just get in the habit of simply saying "thank you" and see what happens for you.

5. This is the last installment of this series. For your final exercise, go through all seven factors of developing and maintaining a healthy relationship again. Go through your responses and notes to the coaching questions. Now, write a short (or long) list of what you've gained from doing all of these exercises. What value has this process been for you? If you've shared these exercises with your partner, ask them what value it's been for them.

As always, if you need any further personal support in response to any of these coaching exercies, please consider using the askacoach.com service.

All the best,
Noel

Noel Posus - Master Coach
www.askacoach.com

Relationship Coaching - Part 6 of 7 - Compatibility

Relationship Coaching Blog Series:
The 7 "Cs" of Developing and Maintaining Healthy Relationships
Part 6 of 7 - Compatibility
Many thanks to Carol McGowan of askacoach.com for providing the original content for this series.

This is the sixth installment of a seven part series on developing and maintaining healthy relationships. There are seven factors we'll explore in this series: Closeness, Connectedness, Chemistry, Cooperation, Communication, Compatibility and Caring.

Today's factor: Compatibility

What this aspect relates to is that the parties in the relationship have some commonly shared values and beliefs. Whilst this is not an aspect commonly considered when thinking about relationships, its importance cannot be understimated.

Understanding values and beliefs is where common ground for developing the relationship can occur. It provides a firm foundation for us to build on.

The American Heritage Dictionary (online) definition of compatability states, "harmonious, agreeable or congenial combination with another or others". The words to note here are that is is harmonious, agreeable and congenial which means it is desirable and pleasurable for all parties concerned.

Coaching Exercises

1. What does "compatibility" mean to you?

2. Are you aware of what your own values and beliefs are? An example of a value is "honesty" and a belief related to that value could be, "I believe that all people lie sometimes." Understanding your values and beliefs can help you understand how you make decisions, including decisions related to all relationships. Consider doing some journal writing, identifying your ten values which you believe are the most important to you at this time, and write down some thoughts you have about your beliefs related to that value.

3. Do you feel you know your partner's values and beliefs? Have you ever asked, or discussed it? Do you think they would view it as important that you know how they think and feel? Would you partner be interested in doing the same exercise as you have done in question 2? Maybe you and your partner can use this exercise to open up this values and beliefs conversation.

4. Although the article points how how helpful it could be to the foundation of your relationship that you and your partner have similar values and beliefs, it does not say they have to be an exact match and it doesn't doesn't "require" them to match at all. There are many opportunities for people to have opposing values in one category or another and still find a way of making the relationship work, including respecting the values and beliefs of the other person. If you and your partner (or any relationship you wish to consider) have some values and beliefs which do not match, how do you (or could you) respect those difference in a way which supports the relationship?

As always, if you need any further personal support in response to any of these coaching exercies, please consider using the askacoach.com service.

All the best,
Noel

Noel Posus - Master Coach
www.askacoach.com

Relationship Coaching - Part 5 of 7 - Communication

Relationship Coaching Blog Series:
The 7 "Cs" of Developing and Maintaining Healthy Relationships
Part 5 of 7 - Communication
Many thanks to Carol McGowan of askacoach.com for providing the original content for this series.

This is the fifth installment of a seven part series on developing and maintaining healthy relationships. There are seven factors we'll explore in this series: Closeness, Connectedness, Chemistry, Cooperation, Communication, Compatibility and Caring.

Today's factor: Communication

This aspect of a relationship can be the one most neglected, however it is the one that is most crucial to the ongoing sustainability of the relationship.

It is important to try and establish an approach where the initiation and involvement in healthy communication is mutual and equal wherever possible. This may vary from one situation to another but each person needs to feel like they are heard and the other party cares about what they have to say.

Finding good places to talk without unnecessary distractions are important. Keeping in contact in between face-to-face get togethers helps to keep the relationship healthy and remind the other party that you are thinking of them and care about them even though you may not see them for a while. Taking the time to follow up on cares and concerns they may have expressed to you can be helpful to the ongoing health of the relationship. There are numerous articles, websites and books that might help you with this aspect.

Coaching Exercises

1. What does "communication" mean to you?

2. What do you believe are "good" communication skills? Which of these do you have and how well do you demonstrate them? It may be easier for some to list the skills and rate them on a scale of 1-5 with 1 being poor and 5 being excellent. What improvements can you make? How will you do it? When will you do it? What are you committing to? How will you measure the success of your efforts? How will you ask others to keep you accountable to your commitment?

3. What do you believe are "poor" communication traits? Which of these do you have and how often do you demonstrate them? It may be easier for some to list the skills and rate them on a scale of 1-5 with 1 being hardly ever and 5 being very often. What improvements can you make? How will you do it? When will you do it? What are you committing to? How will you measure the success of your efforts? How will you ask others to keep you accountable to your commitment?

4. You may have noted that the above two questions are all about you and your behaviour. How do you think your behaviour influences the behaviour of those around you? How can you support others to improve their communicaiton skill? Be mindful of what you have permission to do, and where you don't have permission. Consider how you ask for permission. How can you be a role model of communication? Do you want that responsibility? Can you handle it? Now consider, what are you committing to?

As always, if you need any further personal support in response to any of these coaching exercies, please consider using the askacoach.com service.

All the best,
Noel

Noel Posus - Master Coach
www.askacoach.com

Relationship Coaching - Part 4 of 7 - Cooperation

Relationship Coaching Blog Series:
The 7 "Cs" of Developing and Maintaining Healthy Relationships
Part 4 of 7 - Cooperation
Many thanks to Carol McGowan of askacoach.com for providing the original content for this series.

This is the fourth installment of a seven part series on developing and maintaining healthy relationships. There are seven factors we'll explore in this series: Closeness, Connectedness, Chemistry, Cooperation, Communication, Compatibility and Caring.

Today's factor: Cooperation

This is when a number of parties, or at least two, agree to work toward a goal or objective rather than being in opposition or isolation. It is imperative to remember that the desire to co-operate in a relationship is usually mutually agreed if it is healthy. It is not coerced by one party onto the other.

Cooperation may be about working toward common goals, or helping someone to achieve their individual goals, or helping for the joy of helping, or sharing ideas. There are many possibilities. It may also be helpful to understand boundaries and how to communicate them.

Coaching Exercises

1. What does "co-operation" mean to you?

2. Who are you currently cooperating with, and how are you doing that? Are all parties getting the support they need? How do you, or could you know?

3. Are you receiving the cooperation you require/desire at this time? Is anyone trying to help but you're not letting them? Are you asking for help, but no one is responding (or you haven't noticed)? Do you know how to communicate your needs and ask for help?

4. How do you express your gratitude to those who have cooperated with you? Do you repay them by cooperating in return? What do you expect of others in terms of them expressing their gratitude to you when you've cooperated with them? You may feel that you don't expect anything, but would something small like an acknowledgement be nice? What do you really want (even if you may not admit it to anyone else)?

As always, if you need any further personal support in response to any of these coaching exercies, please consider using the askacoach.com service.

All the best,
Noel

Noel Posus - Master Coach
www.askacoach.com