One of my pet peeves is chasing people up on their commitments.
It'll be helpful if I help create the image here for you:
- I am a high achiever
- I have high standards
- I typically respond very quickly to any request for anything
- I "do" a lot
- I work up to 100 hours a week (my choices)
Notice how many "I" statements are in there?
This is important to note because this is often how I see myself and then when I am expecting someone else to follow through on their commitments to me, I can often in various ways, compare them to me.
And then I get frustrated, and it's not fair to them or to me.
What's the solution?
Instead of making it a comparison, do a different behaviour:
"Set and Manage Expectations Well"
One of my daily reminders to myself is to set and manage expectations well, which for me includes the following specific and measurable behaviours:
- Check to see if an agreement already exists about understanding of the commitment and the expectations of all parties.
- Ask if the agreement is still in place or if it needs to be renegotiated.
- Ask if there is any other information I need to be aware of including other needs of the people I'm making an agreement with.
- Ask if the other person requires anything from me first in order to honour the commitment.
- Ask if there are any obstacles in the way to honouring the commitment. If there are, ask what the options are for us to overcome the obstacles.
- Sincerely show gratitude; specifically thank the person(s) for honouring the commitment.
- Ensure I am honouring all the commitments I've made out of respect for the other person as well as honouring my own value of integrity.
Now, notice the difference from "I statements" to "other-person-focused questions".
This doesn't necessarily guarantee that people will suddenly start honouring their commitments to me overnight, but it does have the potential to improve the process and the outcomes, by also improving the quality of the relationship.
Coaching Exercises
1. What are your thoughts about the points listed above?
2. How well do you set agreements and manage commitments? What is it specifically that you do well? How do you measure that?
3. What are your opportunities for improvements about setting agreements and managing commitments? If you were to change these things, what sort of outcomes could you expect? How could you plan to make these changes?
4. As a result of these questions and your considered responses to them, what are you committing to?
As always, if you need any further personal support in response to any of these coaching exercises, please consider using the askacoach.com service.
All the best,
Noel
Noel Posus - Master Coach
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