... of great strength.” Lao Tzu
In coaching silence is one of the skills that each coach is taught. How to remain silent when the client is talking. How to remain silent when the client has just finished talking. How to remain silent and let your intuition give you your next question.
How do we learn how to do this, when silence is the one thing that makes us feel uncomfortable? Too often in our every day lives, we speak to break the silence, we turn on the TV to break the silence, we turn on our music to break the silence.
Is silence the same as meditation? Some will say yes and others will say no. We will cover meditation in a future blog, but whatever your thoughts on this question - silence is one of the most powerful skills a coach can learn, and a client can benefit from.
In my coaching course we learnt the '3-second rule'. This is where, when the client has finished talking, the student coach learns to wait up to 3-seconds before they say anything - make a comment, make an observation, request clarificfation, share their intuition, or ask a question. In those few seconds it gives the client the opportunity to truly finish their own thoughts ... to maybe carry on talking if they feel that something else should be added to what they've just said ... without feeling that the coach has just 'switched off'. It's a good balance of being silent without making the client feel uncomfortable.
It's true, after a period of time the client will become used to silence; and in my experience relish in them.
How do coaches learn to welcome silence? How do you 'train' your clients? Let us know how you do it.
Barbara J. Dalpra AFC
Vice President
www.internationalinstituteofocoaching.org
